


All I Want

by Monochrome_maiden



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fuck it i'll just tag it, M/M, Songfic, idk man, is that called a songfic?, someone tell me if its not a songfic i honestly have no idea what it is, song-inspired fic, there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4389884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monochrome_maiden/pseuds/Monochrome_maiden





	All I Want

**_All I want is nothing more_ **

**_To hear you knocking at my door_ **

 

"Cas? You there? Please, I need you."

Dean sat on a bed in a motel, elbows resting on his thighs, hands clasped together.

"Please, I need you here Cas."

 

**_Cause if I could see your face once more_ **

 

"What's wrong, Dean?"

Dean lifted his head and felt tears stinging at his eyes again.

"Sam ditched my ass again. I screwed up again."

Castiel sighed softly, moving from his spot in front of the hunter to sit down next to him.

"You didn't screw up, Dean. You were just caring for your brother."

"How did you-"

"I was watching."

"Oh...but-"

"No, Dean. Stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens. It's...not good for you."

"Who cares?"

"I do."

 

**_I could die a happy man I'm sure_ **

 

~ooo~

 

**_When you said your last goodbye_ **

 

"Cas?"

Dean walked towards the angel, reaching his hand out to pat his shoulder.

"Cas you know I didn't mean t-"

"No, Dean. I'm not angry at you, don't worry."

"Then what's wrong? You've been avoiding me."

"Dean...I'm...not good luck. The moment I started talking to you I've dragged you into all this angel business and it has done nothing but bring you more trouble. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Cas, wait-"

"Goodbye, Dean."

The hunter blinked once, and the angel was gone.

 

**_I died a little little bit inside_**  

 

~ooo~

 

**_I lay in tears in bed all night_ **

 

Dean lay in a bed in another motel, still searching for Sam. He felt a weight on a corner of his bed and sat up immediately.

"Cas-"

He frowned. There was nothing there. He ran his fingers across the spot and sighed.

 

**_Alone without you by my side_ **

 

~ooo~

 

It has been a little over 6 months since he last saw Castiel. He had given up on finding Sam a long time ago, deciding that he'll leave it to Sam to find him.

He had found himself a case and tracked the creature down, finding himself in a vampire nest.

If he were with Sam or Castiel, he would have gone back to the motel, made the necessary preparations, and then come back. But he wasn't with either of them. So he said 'fuck it' and stormed into the nest.

 

~ooo~

 

Dean gasped in pain, laying in a pool of his own blood. Self-hatred and suppressed emotions mixed together was not a good combination for Dean (or anyone). It made him risky. Like that other time he killed a God. But that's not important. 

Well, at least all of them were dead, decapitated bodies littering the nest. But Dean didn't make it out without injuries. And those injuries were severe. He clutched his side, fingers slick with blood.

he knew he wouldn't make it out alive.

his vision got more and more blurry. Must be the blood loss getting to him. He let his eyes flutter close and breathed shallowly. And then he heard the flutter of wings.

"Dean?!"

Dean forced his eyes open and the world spun around him, even though he was lying on the floor. He saw a figure bending over him and felt warm droplets of liquid land on his face. He knew who that was. He wanted to say something, stroke his cheek, do something to comfort him. But he was so tired, so sleepy.

"Dean...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have stayed with you. I'm sorry I can't heal you. I'm not at full strength. I got cut off from heaven."

His body was shutting down slo. He caught a glimpse of blue eyes and let his eyes flutter shut again.

"Dean! Dean, no! Dean stay with me. Please! I'm taking you to a hospital now-"

"Don't...bother."

Dean forced his eyes open again and weakly grasped Castiel's wrist, his voice barely a whisper.

"Why? They can still save you, I csn just fly us there."

"Cas...I lost too much blood. I can barely move. Hell, I can't even see shit now. Everything's blurry..."

"Dean...I'm sorry...I never should have left-"

"It's alright, Cas...you wanted to keep me safe...so you left...it's alright..."

Dean felt his hand being clutched tightly and held up to a warm, scruffy, wet cheek.

"Cas...don't cry...there's still heaven. You can still see me in heaven."

Dean blinked, and suddenly, everything became clear. And he could see things that he could not see before.

"Castiel...your...wings...they're beautiful..."

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut as more tears flowed out. It wouldn't be too much longer now.

"Dean...I love you. I love you and I'm sorry I can't stop this. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright, Cas...stop blaming yourself....you told me it wasn't good for me to keep blaming myself either..."

Castiel let out a strained sob and leaned toward whatever warmth that was left in Dean's hand as it cupped his cheek.

"Cas...I'm sleepy..."

"Then sleep, Dean. Rest your eyes. I'm sure you'll see me again when you open them."

"Castiel...I..."

"Yes, Dean?"

Castiel opened his eyes - _when had he closed them?_ \- to look at Dean's face and found it to be slack, eyes closed, and he hunched over Dean's body and let himself cry. He let himself release all his suppressed emotions and sobbed into Dean's hand. It felt like the whole world had collapsed, that the whole world had turned its back against him. Heaven didn't want him anymore, Sam probably didn't really care about him. He was alone.

He cried and cried, not noticing wings fluttering and people behind him. It was only when a hand was placed on his shoulder that Castiel was aware of them. He soun around and was surprised to see golden eyes staring at him.

"Hey lil brother."

"Gabriel? I thought you were-"

"Well, surprise. I'm not dead."

"Why are you here? Why is the rest of my garrison here too?"

"Because we want to let you know there's still a place for you, if you want it."

"But I-"

"I don't really care how much you screwed up, kiddo. And since I'm back, I'm in charge so...you won't be punished, if that's what you're scared of."

"...Wil Dean be there?"

"Well...he's actually waiting for you to finish that sentence of his. So. Do you want to come back home?"

"...Yes please."

 


End file.
